You know, many would think that when others have a positive attitude towards business, and life in general, is a means to try and trample over those without regard to how they affect them. That is not so and the positive are not weak in nature to begin with.
I have long since learned that a positive outlook doesn't mean I just follow others around and keep in tune with the "Joneses" but to be direct and honest WITH regard to my intent that in doing so I am not affecting others in a negative way. On the flip side, I am keeping healthy boundaries and don't let others cross that line. Being assertive and direct with a meaningful tone by the way.
There are those that have ulterior motives to hurt when telling people the ‘truth' and those that just need to be straightforward with the only intent of others respecting them for their honest opinions.
In other words, there's a right way and a wrong way of doing things.
My mom used to try and pound that into my head from ‘kid time'. I used to think that telling people something they didn't want to hear would hurt them. Not so in the real estate business. We HAVE to be straightforward in this business so our client's have a clear understanding of the market, the process and the end result.
Same goes for online communication and connections. I'm one of ‘those' that will try and avoid ‘unnecessary' conflict. Do I care how long someone has been doing something? I think I would rather identify how the quality of work and the sincerity of the person is compared to ‘how much' or ‘how long'. And without personal interaction of some sort (telephone, face to face) the typewritten word may sometimes portray obscenity and ill disregard to another.
There is a right way and wrong way of doing things and to not give a ‘shirt' about another and how I may affect them may just be chalked up to self centeredness. So, I'll just continue with what's good for me......which by all means may not be the same for you....but with all good intentions that I'm not affecting anyone in a negative manner.
Signing off....
Being Positive Doesn't Mean We Let THEM Walk All Over Us
Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman is a Realtor-Associate® and Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) with Century 21 Liberty Homes in Mililani, Hawaii. With a sharp understanding that a listening ear is the key to a client's needs she serves the island of Oahu (Honolulu County) and all Hawaii Military Relocations, Hawaii Retirees, Hawaii Job Transfers and Hawaii Residents, Home Buyers and Sellers.
© 2007-2012 Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman's Hawaii Real Estate and Relocation Blog.
All rights reserved.
Sally - well said. Being positive does not mean being a doormat, or ignoring problems that arise that must be attended to. It does mean not being all doom and gloom about everything, or taking a negative approach to every little hurdle that comes our way...something we ALL deal with in this business.
Jeff
Sally, I've always felt it's about communicating with a sort of blunt force honesty without pissing people off. Sometimes it works.
Hi Sally.
This is so true. We have to stand up for ourselves when need be. But, staying positive makes positve things happen around us. Thanks for reminding me of this.
-Paul
Great post Sally
Wishing you continued success.
Hi Sally -- I just mentioned to a client today that 'positive brings positive' -- it's the law of attraction. Just continue with what is good for you. Don't compromise.
Hello Sally and we all love you and your wonderful writing at AR, keep them coming kid!
VB ;-)
You hit the naik in the head
Sally...
I just try ti make it through each day without hurting anyone, and these days, it is getting harder to accomplish the task.
Sally, nice! I agree with boundaries in life and business. It protects us as well as others. We need to deal with each situation independently.
Sally,
If you are not assertive then you will not have the respect of others. So, it's best not to be a pushover.
Brian
Sally, this is so true, sometimes people become so focused on being at harmony with everyone...it ends up back firing because people might see an opportunity to take advantage. you need to be assertive and if you see behavior of that individual or group of people treating you in a way you know is disrespectfulit needs to addressed at once. Remain focused with what works for you and surround yourself with on "positivity" :) ~ laura cerrano
Hi Sally, wonderful thoughts on this subject. It can be hard sometimes walking that fine line, in business it is necessary to deliver bad news, and delivery is key. Bad, tough, perhaps I am not using the right word. But anyway, having a positive delivery on it is always a good thing.
And nope, you are one of the last people I would think was a doormat! :D
I had an associate once share this phrase: "Please do not misconstrue my pleasant demeanor as wimpy-ness."
Hey Sally,
Great article. One of the things I promote on our website is being able to provide the good, the bad and the ugly. Congrats on a great post!
Sally, I do not seek out confrontation but there is a time and place to communicate the hard truth to buyers and sellers. Being positive doesn't mean never telling someone the truth - but I think many people interpret it that way.
Hi Sally, that's a great attitude.............and a rare one! Sometimes sincere and kind straightforwardness is a breath of fresh air! Your mom taught you well.....
:)
I was trying to think of this quote. I finally remembered it.
"Do not mistake my kindness as a weakness" :)
-Paul
Should get some really positive comments here now. :) That's the beauty of being in this business...we give information.....all of it IS about Real Estate....we are the messengers :) :)
I have found that a lot of agents mistake my friendless for weakness- then they try to pull something over on me- better yet my clients... I guess the thing they missed was that I know our contract backwards and forwards and there is equal and opposing forces- i may be nice but please dont' mistake it for stupid...
I love your post!!!
Good evening Sally,
So glad that Vegas Bob re-blogged your post..I would have missed it! You are right we are the messengers and many times the news we bring is not good news!
Hi Sally... I can certainly be positive without being a doormat. And I detest it when people play the "negativity" card to describe anyone who doesn't see things from their perspective.
If they can't handle your feelings about things, then as Dionne Warwick once sang, "Walk on By'.
Hi Sally - I love your positive attitude, and I'm sure that it has a great deal to do with your success. My attitude most of the time is like the one the Dog Whisperer uses in his training of people to handle their dogs. He advises owners to be calm and assertive. That works in dealing with buyers, seller and contentious agents too!
And I like your new profile picture - you always have such a bright and cheerful face!
Thanks for sharing... it's sad that you have to lay this out for people though.
People need to hear things from us that they sometimes don't want to. Also there are some who will try to walk all over us and we can't let them. That doesn't mean that we aren't positive. Being positive also means being proactive and not shrinking from necessary controversy. Its the way we do it that matters.
Hi Sally - Just because people are kind doesn't mean they are stupid. And just because people are kind doesn't mean they are wusses. And just because people are kind doesn't mean they won't say what needs to be said when they need to say it.
Hugs to you my dear! Love your karma!!! :)
Sally -- you are so wise. I think that it is important to be true to oneself.... and sometimes the truth can be told in a way that does not hurt. Sometimes, it is okay not to say everything... like going to a reunion and saying "You look so old I didn't recognize you". It can be a bit of a fine line, but I follow my gut.
Honesty is always more important than positiveness, Usually there's a legitimate way to have both. But not always, and honesty has to win.
Honesty is always more important than positiveness, Usually there's a legitimate way to have both. But not always, and honesty has to win.
Celeste: I agree that you have to draw aa fine line here between nice and not being taken advantage of.
I need to work on my blunt skills. I do hurt people's feelings-sometimes I mean to and sometimes I don't.
Sally,
You're right to be assertive without letting yourself be walked on. Have you ever considered the diplomatic corps?
Sally- I adore your new profile photo. At first, I thought, who is that on my subscriber list? :) Looking good! Katerina
If a doctor were to avoid telling a patient they had a terminal illness because the doctor did not want to hurt the patient's feeling, how destructive that would be - regardless of how "positive" the doctor was. However, a doctor with a "good bedside manner" can deliver bad news in a way that makes the patient glad to have this one as their doctor. BE that doctor.
I'm reading.....intently :)
Yes you are right. You can be nice, you don't have to be a doormat.
Being truthful with all of our dealings will always result in a good night of sleep.
I really like your new picture.
A good reminder and a good post.
All my best
tom
Sally, your mom was right about a right way and a wrong way. I had that pounded in my head too. I enjoyed reading the threads as much as I did this well written post. Congrats on the feature...
Hi Sally, well said. You are being kind to your clients when you are being honest. It is not mean to tell them something they need to know in order to get their objectives met. It is all in the delivery. And i have a feeling that you deliver your message with a pleasant look and concern in your voice. People can tell if your motivations are pure.
Boundaries are a blessing is my first reaction. I love to surround myself with positive, upbeat people but the way they stay that way is that they maintain it and do not let anyone rain on their parade.
Sally:
Some people are under the mistaken impression that you have to be confrontational and hostile to be effective in business. I have found that the opposite is true. A true professional is going to exhibit an even temper but not be taken advantage of.
I have a hard time with this one. But you are so right. BTW, love the new profile pic! xxoo
Hi Sally, I am a little late to this party but so glad to see one of my favorite with a gold star on a well deserved post! As you already know I am pretty easy going and have a wild sense odf humor but if folks take that as a weakness thay are often abruptly surprised that in my business practices I am NO -NONSENSE!
I hope you have a great holiday weekend my friend!
Indeed, telling people thiings they don't want to hear is often necessary and later appreciated!
I love you Sally xoxo, Love the new photo too! I am pleasant yet aggressive: online and offline.
I guess my only comment for this post is AMEN....well done....
As the saying goes, "you get more flies with honey ..." It's certainly possible to be both nice AND a good negotiator -- and probably a more intelligent move all around anyway. Who wants to deal with someone who's obnoxious? You certainly won't get any extra cooperation from the other side with a hostile attitude.
Sally, what you have described is a skill that very few master, let alone attempt. You sound as if you speak from experience, which is always a good vantage point to address this issue from. I'll confess, I'm still working on it, day by day...but it does get easier as the days go by.
Sally:
I am a fan of trying to stay upbeat, as much as possible. I look at the glass as being half full instead of half empty. Does that mean that I am a push over --no.
You tell 'em Sally! You just don't hear it said enough. People so often mistake a positive attitude for weakness when in fact, it takes soooooo much more strength to remain positive and to be constructive. Rage and rudeness come easily to some. Calmness takes real strenght. Thank you for the great post and congrats on the feature!
Sally,
Refreshing post...and refreshing comments too. BTW, I too really like your new profile picture!
One of the biggest challenges in this business is having the courage and finesse to deliver bad news and deal with difficult people. Boundaries are so important, but so are principles! Great post, Sally.
Sally girl......your post brought out my comments......
Boundaries.......you got to have them.....Be sweet, professional, thorough, accurate, precise, firm, open , honest and all the rest of it, but with accountability, responsibility, courtesy and manners. Since we are all the same but different........, boundaries is a way of monitoring our interaction. The best part of it is that we can modify those "borders" if and when we choose.
Thank you
I've never connected being nice with being a anyone's doormat? I had to read your post a couple of times to understand the connection you were making.
Bruce Bills
www.ratewindow.com
You are right. Positive is the way to be. A doormat is not. They definately do not go together, but positive is really much easier once you get the hang of it.
I agree.. I always tell clients upfront, " You may not like what I have to tell you at times but it's what you need to hear. I deliver good news fast and bad news even faster! Usually it's an opportunity for me to to show here's what happened and here is how we will fix it!
Great job. Sometimes I know that my tone of voice puts people off, I try to work on that. I really am one of the nicest people, I just SOUND mean! Ha
Everyone:
Thanks so much for getting on the positive side of things...so often, it's way too easy to jump on the bandwagon with the neggies. I've worked years on "self" and it IS a continuous job to put effort into realizing that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD HAS CONTROL OVER ANYONE ELSE.....BUT SELF. It's a gift to be able to accept that others are 'different'.
I like what Kristen said, "People so often mistake a positive attitude for weakness when in fact, it takes soooooo much more strength to remain positive and to be constructive. Rage and rudeness come easily to some. Calmness takes real strenght....."
How's that for some logic?
sometimes when you are being nice, it seems like some think it is an open door to dish more at you... funny how that is...
Having a positive outlook and a pleasant, honest disposition has rsulted in people coming back to me years after meeting them to buy and sell homes. Keep working to good mojo.
Yes. Just because i'm nice doesn't mean you can use me as a doormat.
Hi Sally, I was once a doormat, the operative word was once! As Richie said above, knowing your boundaries works very well. that said, ssometimes I have to bring out the velvet sledge hammer, but not very often! Time has taught me to treat every hurdle in a transaction as a speed bump, or a challenge. Never take anything personally and neverreact, I also wait and then then respond.
Sally, excellent post! I agree completely that being a positive person doesn't make you a doormat, nor does it imply weakness. I do believe that those who are negative, and believe that people who are positive are either unrealistic or weak, are delusional or really have inflated sense of self. This neither gives them the right to judge or attempt to walk over you, me or anyone else. I really get tired of people that just want to argue! I know a lot of people who would argue if the sky is blue or if the sun really rises in the East, who cares! Get over it! So if I am thought of as mindless because I choose not to be sucked into their game, I don't care! By the way, I had an English teacher in Junior High who used to say that those that revert to "cuss" words are just too stupid to properly use the English Language. I wish that I could say that I don't swear, but I guess that at times, I too am pretty stupid. I just try to use it when few people are around, and certainly not in anything that is going to be a permanent reflection of myself or my profession.
Tony: I see you feel the same way :) :) Bottom line, I don't act anything other than I do here....as in person....and I think I'll keep it that way. Okay....I'm glad you got to vent :)
Sally -- Great post and you are so right. But stay positive, and make sure you stand up for what you believe in. Don't let people or clients walk all over you
Sally ... it is a struggle to not let people walk on me in the effort to be positive!
It is unfortunate that people could mistake kindness for weakness. I also think it's possible to be straightforward while highlighting the positive.
Sally ....great post! You are right that being nice and kind is not a weakness, it's a professional delivery of your positive attitude.
I'm one of those kinder people and I get bristly when bullies start confusing kindness and a willingness to cooperate with being weak. I like direct and open and it nearly always is the policy that prevents hardfeelings and ill-will later. Bullies tend not to realize how strong the rest of us are being when we stay positive and curteous.
Sally, I am new to AR and I really enjoyed reading your post & all the positive comments. One of my favorite quotes is: "Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong." Leo Buscaglia. I think this equally applies to a positive attitude. Thank you for yours.
Leslie: Welcome to AR and I know it's nicer to read more positive in tone posts to stay on track...I do believe that quote is OH SO TRUE....Only the weak are cruel. Tame the self and you have one strong cookie!