Hawaii Real Estate | Hawaii Relocations | Hawaii Home Buying & Selling


Cherishing the Time with Family on Thanksgiving


I just got off the phone with my daughter. She and her grandmother don’t get along in the kitchen. (no one gets along with my mom in the kitchen lol) Obviously, both want to take part in the Thanksgiving Dinner preparations and both don’t agree on how they can accomplish this feat....TOGETHER.

Rewind many years back.

We learn from our parents.I learned a long time ago that I cannot fight my mother on anything,  She is ‘old school’ and she is NOT going to learn any new way of doing anything. She is oblivious to change because change doesn’t happen unless she is the one wanting to change something. (and boy does she want to change everyone around her lol)

I made a 180 degree life turn around(I found that a 360 degree turn around kept me doing the same things over and over lol) over 16 years ago. I STOPPED worrying about what my mother thought of me. I changed for ME…not her. The codependent (dis- ease with self) era in my family was a strong one and I decided I needed to dig deep and find out who I was and could be.  

I began to teach my children.  There are MANY things that I had to change first before I could teach my own children how they could be self -confident.  (Keep in mind that they were already entering the young adult stage) My son went in the US Navy and my daughter was still trying to get her degree.  On the flip side, personal relationships were not a strong point for ALL of us and I went through a series of relationships, my daughter went through many and my son stayed away from ALL.


Fast forward to today.We ALL struggle in our family to keep that self talk going. We KNOW what we need to do to keep working on all those prior years of ‘conditioning self to be dependent on what others thought’.  WE continue to battle our dragons and remember that our self worth is NOT depicted on what others think of us.

Today is Thanksgiving. I am grateful that I know what I need to do so that I can accept my mother as is. I accept my children for who they are and remind them to be thankful for what they do have instead of dwelling on what they don’t have. I reminded my daughter to be grateful she is able to spend another Thanksgiving with her grandmother; instead of battling over who gets to roast the turkey. "Okay, mom".  And that was that.

You see, it’s not all about control, or who has this or who gets to do that.

It’s about utilizing our time on this great earth with so little time that we have.

And being thankful and spending it with the people we love.




P.S.  Please say a prayer for my husband Gary...he is on day 2 of heavy antibiotic after going to the doctor two days in a row.  I'm glad we went back yesterday because he has the start of pneumonia!!  I will go to mom's house for a little bit and bring him home a plate for Thanksgiving dinner :) 






Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman  is a Realtor-Associate® and Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) with Century 21 Liberty Homes in Mililani, Hawaii. With a sharp understanding that a listening ear is the key to a client's needs  she serves the island of Oahu (Honolulu County) and all Hawaii Military Relocations, Hawaii Retirees, Hawaii Job Transfers and Hawaii Residents, Home Buyers and Sellers.


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Hawaii Real Estate and Relocation Blog.

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Comment balloon 20 commentsCeleste "SALLY" Cheeseman • November 28 2013 12:12PM


Happy Thanksgiving -  This is beautiful~


YOU see, it’s not all about control, or who has this or who gets to do that.

It’s about utilizing our time on this great earth with so little time that we have.

And being thankful and spending it with the people we love.

Posted by Joan Whitebook, Consumer Focused Real Estate Services (BHG The Masiello Group) almost 6 years ago

Sally, I so agree with you. I have a sister I haven't talked to in 3 years. I was constatnly being thrown under the bus by her and the time before last I told her that i couldn't take it any more, and I would not tolerate another. The another happened. I am not an intolerate or hard to get along with person and I maintain great relationships with others in my family. All it would take would be for her to one, apologize, and two change her behavior and she will do neither. I still have not lost hope and I hope that everyone out there does not have family problems like this. Cherish those good relationships if you have them, they are precious.

Posted by Joe Pryor, REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties (The Virtual Real Estate Team) almost 6 years ago

Leave the stuff behind and just cherish the time you can spend with family. Avoid the temptation to go to Black Thursday and hang out with your family instead.

Posted by Aaron Hofmann, aka Mr. Smyrna Vinings (Atlanta Communities) almost 6 years ago

Celeste, it is truly the time we spend together with family that is the most important.  Speedy recovery for Gary!

Posted by Kathy Sheehan, Senior Loan Officer (Bay Equity, LLC 770-634-4021) almost 6 years ago

Hi Sally, Just stopped by to read your post and hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving. 

Posted by Charles Stallions, 800-309-3414 - Pensacola, Pace or Gulf Breeze, Fl. (Charles Stallions Real Estate Services ) almost 6 years ago

Sally, I think the older we get the more things are about other people.  Everything doesn't have to revolve around US, it's all about them.  Same thing in Real Estate, it's not about us at all, it's about them.  So why would family life be any different?

Posted by Evelyn Johnston, The People You Know, Like and Trust! (Friends & Neighbors Real Estate) almost 6 years ago

Celeste, what a beautiful post. You have a great outlook on how to deal with the challenges in your life in a positive way. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

Posted by Ralph Gorgoglione, Hawaii and California Real Estate (310) 497-9407 (Maui Life Homes / Metro Life Homes) almost 6 years ago

Sally... don't we all go through this in life? You've moved forward and taken control, which unfortunately so many people can't do. But it's clear the end result is your appreciation of your family and your role in your family.

Posted by Nina Hollander, Your Charlotte/Ballantyne/Waxhaw/Fort Mill Realtor (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage ) almost 6 years ago

When one finally reaches an awareness on any worthy subject, it then has a chance to take root permanently

Posted by Richie Alan Naggar, agent & author (people first...then business Ran Right Realty ) almost 6 years ago

Sally, First and foremost, my prayers are with Gary.  I hope he is feeling better today. You are one wise woman.  The wisdom you impart on your children will help break the family mold of dis-ease and dys-function.  You know the value of acceptance.  

Posted by Kathleen Daniels, San Jose Homes for Sale-Probate & Trust Specialist (KD Realty - 408.972.1822) almost 6 years ago

Joan...Even though my daughter and mom didn't keep up with this....I did. I took home a plate for Gary who enjoyed it even though in bed.


Posted by Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman, (RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE (Liberty Homes) almost 6 years ago

Joe: That's sad. I too have a brother I don't talk to unless he's at mom's house. He is pretty much homeless and we did invite him to Thanksgiving. My mom bought him a nice shirt and pants and he took a shower and got dressed up for the dinner. He is appreciative though but at 63 years old has no life.


Posted by Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman, (RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE (Liberty Homes) almost 6 years ago

HAHA Aaron, that's funny. Then again, there are people out there that rush to shop. It's an addiction.

Kathy: Sure is...hope you had a nice holiday.

Ralph: I am grateful and try to pass that along.

Nina: Not all have the same 'stuff' going on...but bottom line is that we find self and pass it on.

Richie: It's an ongoing struggle to work on the behaviors imbedded since first understanding.

Kathleen:  I think he is on the road to recovery ....he's on day 3 of antibiotics so he's improving. Weak but coherent


Posted by Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman, (RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE (Liberty Homes) almost 6 years ago

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind - it is not just for AA, but for everyone.  It just makes sense! 

PS.  I hope Gary is feeling even better today than yesterday!

Posted by Susan Emo, Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area (Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage) almost 6 years ago

Sally, this is so true and very much like my mother and my relationship.  I did exactly what you did and I truly feel that despite our disagreeing with their 'ways,' that very thing is what helped us to survive many things in life, including the recession.  I know you know to what I'm referring - we learned to be FLEXIBLE because of our mothers' stubbornness!  We were so DETERMINED to not be that way that we learned the art of flexibility, making us survivors in much that we do in life.  As much as I hated the way she is, I'm also thankful for the stregnth that I gained from my disdain for her inflexibility!!  (If that makes sense!)

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope your hubby is feeling better every day.

Posted by Debe Maxwell, CRS, Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods (www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310) almost 6 years ago

Sally, I just read this and it resonates with me on so many levels too.  Relationships can be so tricky with the people we love, but one of the many lessons I've learned is we each have to accept each other as we are, not as we wished they would be.  I'm so with you on enjoying what we do have, rather than bemoaning what we do not.  It's so unproductive and leads you down a road you'd rather not travel.  

Hope by now Gary is on the road to good health.

Posted by Geri Sonkin, Long Island Real Estate & Staging Expert (Douglas Elliman Real Estate 516-457-7103) almost 6 years ago

Sally, That is a lesson so hard to learn. I raised my kids to be highly independent and to try and do new things. I taught them to love traditions but it is okay to bend from them. I try not to criticize which is the hardest for me because I just want the best for them.

Posted by Debbie Reynolds, Your Dedicated Clarksville TN Real Estate Agent (Platinum Properties) almost 6 years ago


This is a very touching post.  Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can relate....

Is your husband feeling any better?  I hope that he kicks that pneumonia soon.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving! 

Posted by Sondra Meyer:, See It. Experience It. Live It. (Star View Real Estate ) almost 6 years ago

No matter how wonderful each is as a person or a cook, it's hard to share space cooking in the kitchen.

Posted by Michelle Carr Crowe,Altas Just Call...408-252-8900!, Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years (Get Results Team...Just Call (408) 252-8900! . DRE #00901962 . Licensed to Sell since 1985 . Altas Realty) almost 6 years ago

Hope Gary is doing better, and that your Thanksgiving was a good one.

Posted by Lottie Kendall, Helping make your real estate dreams a reality (Compass) almost 6 years ago

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